Last week I sat down to write a post about Asher's cardiology visit. I couldn't really do it. It teetered between too technical a sort of Hippa violation, outlining all the nuances of what is going on, and stark raving mad.
I'll get to it some other time. When I know more. When we all know more about how this is going to go.
Then I thought I would recap our vacation which, cardiologist aside, was about an 8 on a scale of 1-10. Enjoyable. Relaxing. Friend-filled. But I can't seem to do it justice, it has this doomsday undertone. A GIGANTIC ELEPHANT in the room that darkened many conversations and left many things hanging and unsaid.
So then I thought I would put up my annual New Years post that is inspired by a talented writer over here. But what I wanted to write in at least 5 or 6 answers was really from 2 years ago. I have them confused with this past year. That's frightening. Did this year pass me by? Where was I? I had nothing to refelect on. Can't deciper the before and after.
Then I made a list of post titles that would probably scare away all (any) of my readers. Such as, "How to Clear a Room by Endlessly Talking About Your Own Crap" and "Gluten Free or Heart Surgery, You Choose!"
When I realized how bitter they all sounded, I decided I would flip it and focus on a post of things I was grateful for from 2011. And the first few were so ridiculously laden in sarcasm that I decided that wasn't very grateful at that moment.
Is this a case of Blog writer's block? Maybe. Maybe just a case of censoring, processing and judging.
I hope a kid does something funny soon to give me some material. Then I could post that. Or maybe not.
First off, I am sorry that Asher's appointment did not go as well as you hoped and that you may have to travel down that scary worrisome road again. Second, you have always said our Blog is for you to process your world..the fact you are realizing it sounds sarcastic and ungrateful..is something to be proud of, For that realization and making a move forward from there is a good choice. In a world of "why me, poor me, It is about me, you have grown to see that it is not. Remember two truths of this world, Life is Not fair and Nobody/nothing is perfect! Everyone has baggage, some just share it more than others, while others try and hide behind "perceptions" of perfection. I feel for you as you seem to be in a bad spot, not able to appreciate the moments of Good. These moments are truly what means the most and matter. I do realize, you may take offense to this post, BUT I hope you see it rather as someone who has been in the "bad spot" and has fought hard to come out on top and just wants the same for you. My wish for your New Year is contentment and peace with yourself (and the things out of your control) and many wonderful moments shared with those you love.