After school, Asher came inside and did his usual grumbling about being hungry, needing the potty, and who laser beamed who on the bus. When he emptied his folder, he said, "Wait! Where is that Jump Rope For Heart form?"
I paused. I knew exactly where it was. It had been staring at me from my desk for a week.
I paused. I knew exactly where it was. It had been staring at me from my desk for a week.
"Maybe my desk. Why?"
He was off. He got it and started talking a mile a minute.
I was paralyzed. I had nothing to say.
I watched him slowly go over to his pirate wallet and take out money. He shoved it in the envelope.
"There. I'll put those dollars in there. Will that be enough?"
Breathe. "Honey, you don't have to do that. You earned that allowance. " I look in the envelope where I see a ten dollar bill.
For a kid that earns three dollars a week, that's a sizable donation.
I said, "Are you sure you want to put ten dollars in there?" He said, "Yes! The more we can give the better it will help the hospital. Do you have any M&M's for snack?"
I immediately ran to the phone and texted Dan to find out what to say, as I continued to be mute and useless.
Dan remains the voice of reason and said to tell him how generous that was and that we were proud of him. Unless I couldn't make words come out, in which case he would talk about it at dinner.
We had to wait until dinner where the conversation turned to the AED machine he had seen, and how it starts people's hearts. And, "Mommy? Did they use that machine to do my surgery the first time?"
Breathe.
My mouth says, "Oh, no. That's usually for really old people and for accidents like if you fell and broke your head or something." Not great, but it could have been worse.
"Oh, right because if your heart stops then you are DEAD. You die, right? When your heart stops. And you stay dead."
Breathe. Mouth says, "Well, that's true, but you don't have to worry about that."
My brain wanders while I am speaking... they are going to stop your heart in about 5 months to repair it. Will you be dead? Not really. But sort of. You've been dead before in the same way. I'm lying to you by telling you no, don't worry about it. I should be telling you more, helping you more, doing more...
"Mom? Mom? MOM!"
"Oh, huh? Yes?"
"Like a light saber, right? It kills you too. Then you would need that machine. I love Star Wars. Today, David told me that Luke Skywalker flies the...."
Breathe. Everything goes back to normal everywhere, but nowhere. Our son has shown us his gigantic generous heart, and mine is slowly breaking into a million pieces.
oh sweetie, this made me cry. Hugs for you!